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Funny Quotes Data šŸ¤“

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

147 Funny keep quotes

Funny keep quotes šŸ¤£ā€”because who doesn’t need a little humor to keep going? Whether you’re trying to stave off the Monday blues or just need a chuckle to brighten your day, these quotes are here to remind you that laughter is indeed the best medicine šŸ˜„. Dive into a world where wisdom and wit collide, and keep those spirits high with a smile on your face! 🌟

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking ā€œWhy do they have to make the instructions so small?ā€

Posted onMay 24, 2026

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

ā€œDon’t let me keep you!ā€ Translation: Please go.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Normalize saying ā€œbetter you than meā€ to people who keep complaining about everything.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, ā€œstop eating that ball, dude.ā€

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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