Commentary:
Life hack: One birthday post to rule them all! 🎂📅🎉
147 Funny keep quotes
Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.
Commentary:
Keeping the five-star fun on the down low, one "meh" at a time. 🥴🌟📉🍻
We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.
Commentary:
When life gives you mashed potatoes, it locks the drawer for extra flavor! 🥔🔒😂
In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect plan for a spotless home! Thanksgiving might just become the cleanest hide-and-seek holiday ever! 🧹🤫🏠
Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.
Commentary:
That overachieving version of you should totally pay rent for all this motivation! 🏠💪😄
Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.
Commentary:
That's one way to avoid social media fame! 📸😆🔒
It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.
Commentary:
I'm basically a solar-powered burrito: extra sunshine in summer, wrapped snug in winter! ☀️🌯❄️
Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.
Commentary:
Embracing my awesomeness just to annoy the haters. 😂✨ #SorryNotSorry
They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?
Commentary:
Ever tried garlic for breakfast? Guaranteed social distancing 😂🧄🚶♂️
French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.
Commentary:
Soup-du-jour: the menu item with commitment issues 🍲🔄😄