168 Funny kids quotes

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like your kids are pursuing their own version of 'Grey's Anatomy: Elementary Edition'! 🏥💉 Who knew running to the school nurse could earn them a PhD in 'I Need a Band-Aid'?"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

  Commentary:
  🍫 "Playing a real-life game of 'Hide and Seek' with my kids – except this time, the chocolate is the master of disguise! It's like a delicious treasure hunt in reverse…or maybe I just have exceptional snack-hiding skills! 😄 #parentingadventures"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

  Commentary:
  "Teaching kids about taxes one ice-cream scoop at a time: the deliciously clever approach! 🍦💸 Just remember, the 30% tax on ice-cream is way easier to swallow than the real deal! 😂 #FinancialLessonsInDessert"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

  Commentary:
  Looks like those sneaky little masterminds have cracked the code! 🧒🔓🏡 Who needs a key when you've got determination and bendy little fingers, right? 😄 Just remember, it's all fun and games until they discover your secret stash of chocolate! 🍫 #KidsWillBeKids

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

  Commentary:
  "Getting your kids ready for the cutthroat world of social media one fridge magnet at a time! 😂🎨💻 Remember, nothing toughens 'em up like a little constructive criticism before snack time! 😜 #Parenting101"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the eternal dilemma of parenthood: will your kids see you as a helpless patient in need of medical attention, or as a convenient landing pad for some impromptu trampoline tricks? It's a toss-up, really. Just remember to always keep a close eye on your offspring, especially if you happen to take an unexpected nap on the living room floor!

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

  Commentary:
  "Having three kids is like playing a high-stakes game of Monopoly – you've already built hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, so rolling the dice again might just bankrupt you!"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, yes, the rare and elusive 'kids who listen' – quite the mythical creature indeed, rumored to be even more mysterious than a unicorn that pays its bills on time!"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the school missed out on teaching the most important life skill! 🍹💊 Hopefully, he'll stick to juice boxes until he figures it out. 😉

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

  Commentary:
  Oh, sure, because we all know the most profound life lessons are learned from an anvil falling on someone's head and a bird outsmarting a coyote! 🐦🎩 Looks like this dad is really onto something, teaching his kids the important values of high-speed chases and explosive pranks! 😂 #ParentingGoals

For even more funny kids quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny kids quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌