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168 Funny kids quotes

Trending Funny Kids Quotes 🔥

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.
No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.
Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.
Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.
You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

More funny kids quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Commentary:
Oh, the fragrance of Audacity, a delightful blend of entitlement and disregard for authority, with top notes of eye-rolling and a hint of Snapchat filter sass 👃💁‍♂️. Perfect for capturing that essence of modern youth – wear it with a touch of mischief and a sprinkle of memes! 😜 #KidsTheseDays #AudacityPerfume
5 months ago
Share →: My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Commentary:
"Kids acting all surprised about ants in my car 🐜🤷‍♂️ Like they didn't just casually drop snack crumbs everywhere like they're marking their territory! Hansel and Gretel would be proud 😂🍞 #CrumbTrailChronicles"
5 months ago
Share →: My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Commentary:
Looks like "yelling less" quickly turned into "yelling stress" for this brave parent 🙈🔥. The road to improved parenting may have hit a pothole or two! 🛣️🚗 #ParentingStruggles
5 months ago
Share →: The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'jinx of sibling harmony' strikes again! 😂 It's like summoning the chaos gods just by acknowledging the rare moment of peace in the house! 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♀️ Next time, maybe just silently sip your coffee and pretend you didn't see a thing! ☕🤫"
5 months ago
Share →: My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Commentary:
Looks like those kids might have to catch 'Puke-Achu' in real life instead of in a game 😅🤢 Better stock up on some potions and antidotes for that unexpected battle against the stomach flu! #ParentingAdventures
5 months ago
Share →: I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Commentary:
I can only imagine the kids' reaction when they learned the truth! 🤯 It must have been like discovering your sandwich has a secret side of truffle fries – unexpected and totally amazing! 🍟🤵 Let's hope they gave "Mrs. Doubtfire" a five-star rating on their nanny app! 😉
5 months ago
Share →: I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Commentary:
"Oh, so that's the secret to a peaceful night's sleep! 💤 Who needs lullabies when you have tranquilizers, right? 😂 Parenting level: expert tranquilizer-wrangler. 🌙 #ParentingHacks"
5 months ago
Share →: Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Commentary:
"Parenting tip: Want to lose weight? Just have kids. You'll skip the gym and burn calories chasing after food scraps and discarded snacks all day! 🏃‍♂️💸🗑️ #ParentingStruggles #FloorFoodies"
5 months ago
Share →: You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Commentary:
"Parenting tip: Want to keep track of your scissors? Don't have kids! 🤷‍♂️👶✂️ #ParentingStruggles #WhereAreMyScissors"
5 months ago
Share →: One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Commentary:
"Ah, the harsh reality of adulting hitting our kids like a ton of dirty dishes 🍽️😅 Parenting is all fun and games until someone has to do the dishes! #TheStruggleIsReal"