Funny quotes mom

34 Funny mom quotes

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Funny Quotes Mar 31, 2025

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Funny Quotes Mar 17, 2025

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Funny Quotes Mar 17, 2025

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Funny Quotes Feb 25, 2025

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

Funny Quotes Feb 3, 2025

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Funny Quotes Jan 29, 2025

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Funny Quotes Jan 21, 2025

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Funny Quotes Jan 21, 2025

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

Funny Quotes Jan 21, 2025