265 Funny night quotes

• I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

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  2 months ago

  end, funny moment, going, humor, husband, i, last, making, misunderstanding, moment, motorbike, never, night, noise, outside, stomach, thought

• Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

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  2 months ago

  after, bad, bad decisions, card, credit, credit card, decisions, good, humor, late, late night, midnight, money, night, nightlife, nothing, spending

• Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

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  2 months ago

  bad, being, boil, going, going to sleep, habits, humor, issues, lifestyle, lot, me, morning, morning struggle, night, night struggle, problems, procrastination, sleep, sleep habits, sleep issues, struggle, waking, waking up

• I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

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  2 months ago

  bathroom, double, humor, i, navigating, need, night, stunt

• People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

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  2 months ago

  being, complain, complaint, crime, day, duty, every, fantasy, humor, jury, jury duty, listening, mother, night, people, sequester, true, true crime

• Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

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  2 months ago

  communication, dream, gwyneth, Gwyneth Paltrow, humor, i, last, me, message, night, paltrow, plan

• Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

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  2 months ago

  am, beset, excuse, foe, funny statement, humor, i, night, sides, sorry, statement, tonight

• Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

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  2 months ago

  4pm, activity, bedtime, close, debate, humor, i, need, night, riled, start, thing, time

• You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

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  2 months ago

  40, 9pm, age, bedtime, humor, joke, know, man, night, over, past, real, reality, Santa

• Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

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  2 months ago

  bedtime, cell, cell phone, distraction, every, hours, humor, i, night, phone, procrastination, ritual, six, small

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