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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,332

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Making waves on Reddit:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

Breaking via TikTok:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Just landed via Threads:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Shared recently on Messenger:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Just landed via Instagram:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

63 shares on Slack this month:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The shitshow must go on.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

76 shares on Threads this month:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Salary week, but salary weak.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,476

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Just landed via Telegram:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Spotted on Slack:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

Just landed via YouTube:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Just shared via Messenger:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Seen just now on Threads:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

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