Commentary:
Finally, someone who understands my texting style! 😂📵✨
316 Funny person quotes
There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.
Commentary:
Time to trade my 9-5 for a future where I'm known as the legendary couch potato 🛋️✨ #Priorities
The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.
Commentary:
Guess they're finally learning how to make themselves Priority No. 1 on their own list of Most Annoying People! 😆🛋️💆♂️
I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.
Commentary:
Me returning to skipped questions like I'm in a disguise 🤔🕵️♂️ #JustChecking
Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.
Commentary:
When you know your step count is already too low, so you turn shopping into a full cardio session 😅🛒👟
The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.
Commentary:
Finally, a lifetime subscription to the post-social event gossip club! 🗣️💬👫🤣
Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.
Commentary:
Guess it's time to choose my "Official Scapegoat of the Year"! 🐐😆
I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.
Commentary:
When you realize the holiday spirit is just a spooky HR meeting with festive lights 👻🎄🤑
Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.
Commentary:
When your jacket pulls off a better prank than you ever could! 👻🧥🤣
