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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Good morning. Does anyone know what is right and what is wrong?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,299

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

Going viral on Threads:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Shared recently on Slack:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Just landed via Threads:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Making waves on Twitch:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Going viral on Discord:

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

38 Funny plans quotes

Funny plans quotes are the perfect way to embrace life’s unexpected twists with a smile 😄✨ Whether your carefully crafted agenda goes sideways or you just love laughing at the chaos of spontaneity, these witty gems will brighten your day and keep things lighthearted 🎉💡 Get ready to chuckle, relate, and maybe rethink those “foolproof” plans! 🚀😂

New funny plans quotes 👇

For even more funny plans quotes, hit next 👇

All funny plans quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Slack this month:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

65 shares on Threads this month:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

45 shares on Threads this month:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

51 shares on Threads this month:

Double chins are better than double faces.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

51 shares on Threads this month:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

100 shares on Threads this month:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,308

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Going viral on Instagram:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

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