334 Funny someone quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

  Commentary:
  "If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I'd probably just spend it on more bacon 🥓. After all, why let haters ruin a good bacon-filled moment when you can savor that sizzle instead! 💁‍♂️ #BaconOverBullies"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the great outdoors: where the thrill of battling nature's elements meets the horror of enduring campfire renditions of 'Wonderwall' on repeat 🌲🐻🎸 #CampingDisasters"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

  Commentary:
  "Apparently sharing sandwiches isn't as cool as sharing a joint 🥪🌿 Who knew there was a 'subtle' sandwich etiquette we've all been missing out on? 😂 #WeirdButHungry"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

  Commentary:
  "Judging a good doctor by their waiting room Wi-Fi? Well, looks like the real key to a strong patient-doctor relationship is a solid connection! 📶💉 Who knew your internet speed could be a vital sign too? 🤣 #DoctorApprovedInternet"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

  Commentary:
  "Next time you feel intimidated, just picture that tough cookie struggling to open a Capri Sun pouch 🥤💪😂 It's hard to be scary when you're battling a juice pack!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like your neighbor is living in a time warp where Rolexes disappear into thin air! ⌚🌀 Maybe talking about it too much attracted a time thief… 👀 #RolexMystery"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

  Commentary:
  "Seems like someone's ready to upgrade from ironic coincidences to full-blown cutlery battles! 🔪🥄 Watch out, we've got a spoon enthusiast on the loose! 😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If people love cheese so much, why are they mad when someone smells like cheese.

  Commentary:
  "Seems like a classic case of 'love from afar, but hold your nose up close' 🧀💨 Maybe we all just need our space when it comes to cheese and its aromas! 😄"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

  Commentary:
  "If I had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be rolling in it… and probably mumbling 'up yours' under his breath while polishing the silverware. 💸🤵✨"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

  Commentary:
  Well, that's a tough question! 🤔 Maybe it depends on if you're more rhythmically inclined or more of a quick thinker. 💃🥊 Just remember, violence is never the answer… unless you're in a dance battle! 💃🕺 #DanceFloorShowdown

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