277 funny still quotes - Page 5 - Wordgag

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

May 18, 2026

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

May 18, 2026May 18, 2026

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

May 18, 2026

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

May 18, 2026

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

May 18, 2026

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

May 18, 2026

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

May 18, 2026

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

May 18, 2026

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

May 18, 2026

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

May 18, 2026

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

May 18, 2026

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

May 18, 2026

Lingerie under a trench coat is still on my bucket list, by the way.

May 6, 2026

Do British people still do the accent when nobody’s around?

Apr 23, 2026Apr 23, 2026

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

Apr 2, 2026

Good morning to everyone who still believes what they see with their own two eyes.

Apr 1, 2026

Some people still fail to understand that the boot still has no problem crushing you, even if you lick it clean.

Apr 1, 2026

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

Apr 1, 2026

Maybe I’m wrong, but I still don’t think our parents realized how far we rode our bikes in the 80s and 90s.

Apr 1, 2026

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

Apr 1, 2026

You can do laundry every day and still be behind on laundry.

Apr 1, 2026

You’re still ragebaiting? Everyone is on vagueposting now. Keep up.

Apr 1, 2026

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

Apr 1, 2026

Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

Apr 1, 2026

Can’t believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. last night… Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

Apr 1, 2026

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Apr 1, 2026

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Apr 1, 2026

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Apr 1, 2026

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

Apr 1, 2026

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Apr 1, 2026

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Apr 1, 2026

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Apr 1, 2026

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

Apr 1, 2026

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Apr 1, 2026

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Apr 1, 2026

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

Mar 31, 2026

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Mar 31, 2026

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Mar 31, 2026

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Mar 31, 2026

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Mar 31, 2026