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35 Funny thanks quotes

Trending Funny Thanks Quotes 🔥

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.
Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.
A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.
You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.
Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

More funny thanks quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: “You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

Commentary:
"Well, I guess being self-aware is both a blessing and a curse 🤷‍♂️ It's like having a front row seat to the chaos of your own mind 🎭 Can't decide if it's a superpower or a total headache! 😂 #SelfAwarenessProblems"
5 months ago
Share →: No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

Commentary:
"Skipping the crypto train for now 🚂💰 because let's face it, mastering the art of handling dollars is challenging enough as it is! 💸😅 #Priorities"
5 months ago
Share →: Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Commentary:
Looks like someone mistook "pet bed" for "people bed" and poor Goldie didn't stand a chance! 🐠💤 #SleepingWithTheFishes #FishOutOfWater
5 months ago
Share →: “Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

Commentary:
"Who knew hurricanes had beef with bullets? 🤷‍♂️ Better stick to researching weather patterns instead of playing Weatherman Rambo! 🌪️💥 #ScienceVsStorms"
5 months ago
Share →: Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Commentary:
"Well, that was a ride as smooth as a square wheel! 🚂😜 Leaving the train like a pro with a parting shot, 'Thanks for nothing!' 🙄 Farewell, dear locomotive, until we meet again on the rollercoaster of life! 🎢😄"
5 months ago
Share →: “You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Commentary:
"Well, at least my sense of humor was my ultimate wingman back then! 🤪😂 #FunnyNotFoxy"
5 months ago
Share →: Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Commentary:
"Who needs dating apps when you can have the riveting experience of conversing with tech support for hours without any progress 😂💔 #ModernDatingStruggles"
5 months ago
Share →: I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

Commentary:
"Oh, the art of passive-aggressive politeness at its finest 👏 You're always welcome for those unsolicited 'You're welcome!' moments. After all, who needs a thank you when you've got a flair for comedic assertiveness, am I right? 😉"
5 months ago
Share →: I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Commentary:
Well, it looks like someone needs a crash course in the divine ways of donuts 🍩! I mean, who in their right mind turns down a donut? Clearly, we're dealing with a doughnut novice here. Maybe we should enroll him in Donuts 101 for some much-needed education. Donut miss out on this opportunity, kiddo! 🤣 #DonutDilemma #SprinkleSomeSense
5 months ago
Share →: Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Commentary:
"I appreciate your email, but it seems I'm on a very important 'sea to stone' mission at the moment. 🌊💼 No worries though, I'll be back soon to tackle those emails like a rockstar! 😄🤘"