Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

An Amish party in the desert called churning man.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,344

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Trending via Discord:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Trending via YouTube:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

Trending via Pinterest:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Making waves on Instagram:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Going viral on Threads:

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the closet won this round, but at least I've now discovered a hidden dimension! 🕵️‍♂️🌀👕

cleaning, closet, discovery, distraction, found, humor, i, looking, organise, procrastination, tidying, tidying up

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

0

2 months ago

before, chocolate, diet, food, humor, indulgence, much, question, salad, too
Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

0

2 months ago

around, battery, died, funny story, humor, i, me, problem-solving, remote, story, technology, tell, TV, weekend, wild, wild weekend, working
Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

0

2 months ago

bandwidth, boundary, busy, evolution, growing, growth, health, humor, independence, man, mental, mental health, neural, neural pathway, new, opinion, pathway, personal, personal growth, sarcasm, self-care, sorry, space, strangers, too
Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, aging, bad, convince, eyesight, font, font size, going, humor, just, means, self-deception, size, small, too, trying, yourself
At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

0

2 months ago

always, Christmas, finance, holiday, humor, invoice, joke, outstanding, payment, reference, seasonal, time
My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

0

2 months ago

am, apparently, back, cat, dissatisfaction, fancy, food, household, humor, i, irony, job, luxury, matter, new, owner, pet, reason, rent, shopping, store, unhappy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on WeChat this month:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

36 shares on YouTube this month:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

95 shares on Discord this month:

Screw you guys, I’m gonna go make friends with the crows.

79 shares on X this month:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Addicted to bad posture like why is it so comfortable to sit like a cooked shrimp.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

47 shares on X this month:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Breaking via WeChat:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Spotted on Threads:

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

Making waves on Instagram:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Spotted on YouTube:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Trending via Snapchat:

Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨