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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Starting a new life today, bye.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,552

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Going viral on Discord:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

Going viral on TikTok:

Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

Trending via TikTok:

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

Trending via Instagram:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

3 months ago

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"When you're late but bribery is baked into your plan 🍰🕒😅 #CroissantDiplomacy"

boss, breakfast, cheese, croissant, end, food, going, ham, hour, humor, joke, late, lateness, office, prank, sure, surprise, text, texting, workplace, workplace humor

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Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Messenger this month:

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

69 shares on Threads this month:

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

11 shares on Discord this month:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

47 shares on X this month:

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Just landed via Slack:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Trending via Snapchat:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Just landed via TikTok:

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?

Just shared via Snapchat:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

Just shared via Threads:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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