Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a boy that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I am so full of love and anger, like a lava lamp.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,277

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Making waves on Telegram:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Shared recently on WeChat:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

Spotted on Threads:

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

Shared recently on YouTube:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Turning pain into awkward art one poorly timed joke at a time! 😅🎨

awkwardness, beautiful, creativity, emotion, everyone, feel, humor, joke, pain, poorly, something, transformation, turn, weird

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

0

3 months ago

communication, favourite, form, humor, introvert, morning, silence
I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

0

2 months ago

beer, drinking, fridge, humor, i, lot, need, night, only, party, room, tonight
Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

0

2 months ago

again, crime, crime scene, crowd, dark, dark humor, exit, humor, interaction, irony, leaving, mystery, scene, social, social interaction, unexpected, walking, whisper
The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, back rub, couple, frequent, fun, fun activity, give, give and take, giving, good, humor, marriage, relationship, rub, secret, take, takeout
Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

0

2 months ago

Alt, Ctrl, delete, diet, fat, fitness, humor, joke, tech
Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

0

2 months ago

bed, boredom, dead, humor, humor quote, laziness, no plan, plan, plans, pretending, red, relaxation, roses, roses are red, staying, staying in bed

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

79 shares on Threads this month:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

33 shares on Slack this month:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Going viral on YouTube:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Breaking via Reddit:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Shared recently on Reddit:

How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?

Spotted on Discord:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Trending via Snapchat:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Seen just now on Facebook:

God saw you do that.

Making waves on Discord:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨