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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,370

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Just landed via X:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

Just landed via Threads:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

Going viral on Messenger:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like the world's sweatiest square dance! 🕺🔥👹

actually, cotton, Cotton Eye Joe, eternal, eternal loop, eye, fire, heat, hell, humor, irony, joe, loop, music, pleasant, punishment, repetition, song, torture

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

0

2 months ago

activity, creative, creative solution, daily, daily mess, decor, fun, fun activity, holiday, holiday decor, humor, ignoring, ignoring mess, mess, new, procrastination, solution, thinking
For whom the doom scrolls!

0

2 months ago

doom, humor, internet, irony, media, procrastination, reading, scroll, social, social media
I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

0

2 months ago

accident, accidentally, car, driving, hit, humor, i, irony, joke, left, mishap, next, note, parked, parked car, time, warning
For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

0

2 months ago

call, doctor, humor, i, joke, just, medical, medical profession, misunderstanding, oncologist, profession, thought, times
The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

0

2 months ago

choke, choking, cool, coworker, culture, darth, Darth Vader, force, humor, lost, meeting, pop, pop culture, scene, sci-fi, staff, staff meeting, star, Star Wars, used, vader, wars, workplace
At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

0

3 months ago

abduction, ahead, alien, alien abduction, alien rescue, aliens, consider, extraterrestrial, humor, i, joke, just, mission, picked, point, rescue, rescue mission

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Threads this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

41 shares on X this month:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

72 shares on Reddit this month:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

59 shares on Threads this month:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

27 shares on X this month:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Just shared via Facebook:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

Trending via Snapchat:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Spotted on Messenger:

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

Making waves on Twitch:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You know shit’s about to get real when I put on yoga pants before dessert.

Breaking via X:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Trending via Snapchat:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

For whom the doom scrolls!

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨