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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,671

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

Love is in the air fryer.

Breaking via WeChat:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Shared recently on Slack:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Making waves on X:

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

Making waves on Reddit:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Just landed via Discord:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Making waves on Discord:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about discovering Santa's realness at 16, with a humorous mall twist.

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Commentary:
Looks like the jolly guy with a beard has some explaining to do! 🎅🤔🎄

16, Christmas, guess, here, humor, i, joke, jokes, mall, me, parent, parents, real, right, Santa, teenager, told

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23 shares on YouTube this month:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

27 shares on Discord this month:

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

54 shares on Discord this month:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

69 shares on Slack this month:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Does anyone know where I can find true love?

79 shares on X this month:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Denying the existence of anyone that annoys me.

Going viral on Threads:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Spotted on Discord:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Seen just now on Threads:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Live now on WhatsApp:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Going viral on Telegram:

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Is there a rehab for introverts who try to extrovert? Asking for a friend.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

Difference between a flirt and harassment: if you are handsome, it’s a flirt, if you are ugly, it’s harassment.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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