Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,342

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Going viral on Facebook:

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Seen just now on WeChat:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Spotted on Instagram:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Shared recently on Telegram:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Live now on Threads:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When in doubt, crank up the tunes and let the beats untangle your life's spaghetti mess! 🎶🌀💩

humor, loud, louder, motivation, music, need, problem, problem-solving, shit, solving, sometimes, sort, turn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

0

2 months ago

back, bar, communication, forget, forgetfulness, humor, i, miscommunication, never, notification, procrastination, reading, sarcasm, smartphone, text, texting, texts
Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

0

2 months ago

being, connectivity, dropped, every, frustration, humor, internet, meeting, overpriced, price, put, service, sure, technology, Zoom
Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

0

3 months ago

animal, animal behavior, baby, behavior, cat, crying, every, hours, humor, i, nap, regret, regrets, responsibility, say, sleep, tiredness, wake, want, why, zero
Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

0

2 months ago

Adam, bible, eve, florence, Florence and the Machine, humor, machine, music, religion, said, sexuality, unnatural, vibrator, wordplay, wrong
The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

0

3 months ago

best, downtime, Friday, Friday night, introvert, leisure, night, plan, plans, relaxation, weekend
My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

0

2 months ago

boss, day, finished, humor, i, job, just, left, means, office, productivity, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

86 shares on Threads this month:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

75 shares on X this month:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

24 shares on Discord this month:

I think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

22 shares on Twitch this month:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Can drunk people actually not control their actions or is it just an excuse to do some crazy stuff?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Making waves on X:

I asked myself if I was the problem and we said no.

Breaking via Reddit:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Seen just now on Instagram:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Spotted on Pinterest:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨