Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

“Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Is ice cream for dinner a thing, because ice cream for dinner should be be a thing.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,327

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Just shared via Instagram:

Wanna know a real adult life hack? Don’t tell anyone when you have a day off. Absolutely no one.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

Shared recently on Twitch:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Just shared via Reddit:

Glad I didn’t really waste any time studying international law, seeing as how it is fake and meaningless.

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sorry boss, can't make it to work today! The great outdoors is calling my name louder than your meetings 🌳🌞 #priorities"

boss, day, day off, excuse, fun, i, outside, play, playing, sorry, today, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, before, bench, bench press, exercise, fitness, good, gym, humor, laying, lifting, press, relaxation, right, workout
His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

0

2 months ago

confetti, destination, dollar, heavy, humor, luggage, palm, palm tree, party, Serengeti, store, travel, tree, trees, tux, vomit, wedding
Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

0

2 months ago

40s, age, bed, humor, know, life, means, night, nothing, reality, Saturday, weekend, welcome
Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

0

2 months ago

avoid, avoid idiot, book, books, coffee, daily, daily routine, drink, humor, idiot, idiots, lifestyle, productivity, read, read book, repeat, routine, self-care
The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

0

2 months ago

around, bike, exercise, hate, having, humor, i, pick, pick-up, return, return trip, stationary, stationary bike, thing, trip, turn, turn around, workout
I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

0

2 months ago

before, cop, drive, driving, enforcement, humor, i, law, law enforcement, police, question, roundabout, traffic, wonder

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Threads this month:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

35 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

65 shares on YouTube this month:

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

68 shares on Discord this month:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Shared recently on Discord:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

Trending via Threads:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Just shared via TikTok:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Just shared via Discord:

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

Broadcasted on Threads:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

Just shared via X:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Spotted on Discord:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨