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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,596

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Live now on TikTok:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Just shared via Telegram:

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

Just shared via Telegram:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Going viral on Slack:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Just shared via Reddit:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Seen just now on Threads:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Haha, because who doesn't dream of being a spreadsheet superhero as a kid? 😂📈🦸‍♂️

administrative, administrative assistant, application, aspiration, assistant, boy, career, career aspiration, childhood, childhood dream, cover, cover letter, dream, ever, feels, humor, i, job, job application, letter, letters, little, wanted, writing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Being a writer means knowing exactly how your story ends, and having absolutely no idea how to get there.

0

1 day ago

absolutely, being, confusion, creativity, ending, exactly, having, humor, idea, knowing, means, process, story, writer, writing, writing process
Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

0

2 months ago

day, debt-free, dog, hours, humor, laziness, least, nobody, pet, sigh, sleeping, unemployed
Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

0

2 months ago

bitchy, bloated, dwarf, forgetful, health, humor, itchy, menopause, psycho, sleepy, snow, Snow White, sweaty, white, women’s, women’s health
Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

0

2 months ago

alone, happiness, happy, humor, irony, money, too, wealth, yes, yours
It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

0

2 months ago

exercise, gym, humor, i, mishap, store, today, unexpected, walking, wind, wine
Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

0

2 days ago

911, 911 operator, call, call center, center, emergency, empath, hanging, humor, job, job struggle, me, operator, overwhelmed, screaming, someone, struggle, work, working

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

44 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

80 shares on Twitch this month:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

81 shares on Slack this month:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

All I think about is death and sex.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Trending via Discord:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

Trending via Reddit:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Just shared via Reddit:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Just landed via Reddit:

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Being a writer means knowing exactly how your story ends, and having absolutely no idea how to get there.

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨