Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

4,032

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Trending via Messenger:

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

Trending via Telegram:

Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

Just landed via TikTok:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Shared recently on Discord:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Going viral on WeChat:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

More funny quotes 👇

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

0

1 month ago

addicted, addiction, certain, confidence, humor, kind, personality, style, swag
Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

0

1 month ago

alone, annoying, anxiety, around, avoidance, being, comfort, home, house, humor, introvert, leave, never, people, privacy, public, remember, social, social anxiety, solitude, worry
Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

0

1 month ago

animal, attitude, bastards, bet, butterfly, comedy, humor, insect, irony, nature, nice, real, sarcasm, surprise
Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

0

1 month ago

finance, goodbye, humor, joke, money, saying, talk
Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

0

1 month ago

excuse, forgetfulness, humor, i, late, lateness, shower, sorry, standing, stuff, thinking
The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

0

1 month ago

bed, comfort, couch, laziness, procrastination, real, relaxation, sleep, struggle
I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

0

1 month ago

annoyance, anxiety, awkwardness, bonfire, constant, douchebag, fear, going, guitar, humor, i, live, outdoor, party, show, social, social anxiety
The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

0

1 month ago

coffee, eating, economy, food, grass, here, humor, joke, matcha, people, satire, tough
“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

0

1 month ago

confusion, humor, i, idea, interaction, joke, name, sarcasm, short, social, social interaction
I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

0

1 month ago

family, gap, generational, generational gap, grandma, hour, humor, i, know, love, me, patience, technology, texting, texts

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on TikTok this month:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

33 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

100 shares on Discord this month:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Turns out, college is all about forming unspoken, powerful bonds with people you talk to twice.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

Spotted on Facebook:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Spotted on Telegram:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Just shared via Messenger:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Live now on Snapchat:

The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

Seen just now on Threads:

My recliner and I go way back.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨