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When did being an adult become a never-ending episode of "Survivor"? 🌞😴🤦♂️
Author Archives: slickboy
If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.
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Who knew doors needed manners? 🚪🙄🤷♂️
I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.
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When you realize the only good kind of hot chili peppers are the ones you eat, not the band at your wife's secret date night 🌶️🎸😭
I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.
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Looks like my motivation missed the memo! 🤔🚫🤣
Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.
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Sounds like being in a relationship is just a series of "I'm sorry for napping" marathons! 😴🏃♂️🌀
My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.
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When my phone rings, it's either a scammer or my toaster is finally asking for relationship advice! 📞🤖🍞
Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?
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Kind people must have an invisibility cloak for kindness because it clearly goes unnoticed! 😂🧙♂️
Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.
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Looks like starting a wildlife diner is the secret to happiness! 🐦🍼🐿️
“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.
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Living that "dine in designer" lifestyle! 😎🍔👗
It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.
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Sending snacks and a rescue team… or maybe I'll just join you! 🍿🛋️😅