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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,724

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

Going viral on Threads:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Just shared via Threads:

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

Going viral on Slack:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Just shared via Instagram:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Live now on Messenger:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

18 Funny comeback quotes

More funny comeback quotes 👇

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

0

2 months ago

advice, again, comeback, free, freedom, friendship, humor, love, means, nobody, relationship, return, set, someone
I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

0

2 months ago

benefit, comeback, dance, dance move, enjoy, enjoyment, glass, glasses, health, health benefit, humor, i, move, moves, night, night routine, routine, wine, witty, witty comeback
Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

0

2 months ago

attitude, comeback, compass, disrespect, humor, i, me, moral, moral compass, respond, response
I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

0

3 months ago

again, argue, argument, better, comeback, conversation, debate, forget, got, hate, humor, i, material, say, something
If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

0

3 months ago

attitude, comeback, humor, i, matter, me, mind, over, remember, self-confidence, wit
Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

0

4 months ago

attitude, carry, comeback, coming, confidence, fruit, humor, me, never, phase, shade, tree
Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

0

4 months ago

comeback, homeless, homeless man, house, house key, humor, i, insult, interaction, irony, just, key, keys, loser, man, me, social, social interaction
Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

0

5 months ago

ago, comeback, coming, got, humor, just, me, never, patience, payback, persistence, relax, revenge, someone, threat, wronged

For even more funny comeback quotes, hit next 👇

All funny comeback quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Instagram this month:

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

42 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

84 shares on Slack this month:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Trending via Instagram:

Know what goes good with beer? Another one.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

Just landed via Instagram:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Just landed via X:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

Broadcasted on X:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Just shared via Telegram:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Activity Log ✨

18 Funny comeback quotes

More funny comeback quotes 👇

All funny comeback quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨