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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Don’t underestimate your white tee and denim jeans.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,380

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Going bananas on TikTok:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Making waves on X:

“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I feel like smashing my phone would be cathartic.

Just landed via Reddit:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

13 Funny describe quotes

Funny describe quotes bring laughter and lightness to everyday moments 😂✨ Whether you’re trying to sum up a quirky friend or a hilarious mishap, these witty lines add the perfect sprinkle of humor 🌟🤣 Get ready to brighten your day and share some giggles with clever descriptions that never fail to entertain! 🎉😄 #HumorBoost #LaughOutLoud

New funny describe quotes 👇

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

0

2 months ago

delusional, describe, enough, humor, people, perception, reality, strong, word
I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

0

2 months ago

adult, child, childhood, describe, humor, i, long child, maturity, myself, self-description
Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

0

2 months ago

activity, climbing, describe, flat, hike, humor, just, mountain, outdoors, someone
Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

0

2 months ago

breakfast, conversation, date, describe, food, food conversation, forget, humor, i, me, nice, sexy, sexy talk, slow, slow talk, talk, waffles, want
I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

0

2 months ago

clothes, describe, fashion, floor, humor, i, mess, personal, pile, style, top, whatever
“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, conversation, describe, humor, i, irony, me, personality, response, self-description, yourself
I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

0

2 months ago

comparison, describe, difference, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, life, list, practice, receipt, shopping, shopping list, theory
I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

0

2 months ago

advertising, commercial, commercials, dance, describe, drug, drug commercial, effect, humor, i, medication, side, side effect, too
Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

0

2 months ago

boob, boobs, communication, creativity, describe, humor, picture, visual
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

0

3 months ago

accident, accident humor, accidentally, blanket, clumsy, describe, face, fail, humor, i, know, life, myself, pull, punch, relatable, self-harm, trying, while

For even more funny describe quotes, hit next 👇

All funny describe quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

13 shares on Discord this month:

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

68 shares on Discord this month:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

12 shares on X this month:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Staying weird for my own sanity.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,296

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

Making waves on Discord:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Going bananas on Discord:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Making waves on X:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Going bananas on Messenger:

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Live now on YouTube:

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Breaking via Snapchat:

People delete their social media and start acting like they got a master’s degree in maturity.

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