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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,540

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

Live now on X:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Spotted on Instagram:

ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriend’s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

Freshly posted on X:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

Trending via Messenger:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Just shared via Messenger:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

Just landed via Discord:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

12 Funny disrespect quotes

Funny disrespect quotes bring a hilarious twist to those moments when sarcasm and sass collide 😎🔥 Perfect for shaking off negativity with a wink and a smirk 😉😂 Whether you’re aiming to roast a friend or just lighten the mood, these cheeky lines serve up playful shade without crossing the line 🎭✨ Get ready to laugh and maybe throw a little harmless shade yourself! 😜🎉

New funny disrespect quotes 👇

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

5 hours ago

disrespect, due, ever, humor, i, irony, none, please, respect, sarcasm, say, understand, witty
I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

17 hours ago

disrespect, early, humor, i, sleep, waking, waking up, weekend
“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

3 days ago

accept, bigger, bigger person, disrespect, growth, humor, irony, much, person, personal, personal growth, self-respect, sounds, too
Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

1 week ago

disrespect, humor, identical, just, keep, lifestyle, private, public, saw, together, twins
I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

1 week ago

disrespect, etiquette, humor, i, irony, sarcasm, sir, title
Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

1 week ago

attitude, comeback, compass, disrespect, humor, i, me, moral, moral compass, respond, response
People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

2 weeks ago

attitude, date, disrespect, expiration, forgiveness, forgot, grudges, humor, i, insult, memory, people, said, shit, think
Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

2 weeks ago

attitude, behavior, different, disrespect, ever, i, men, relationship
Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

2 months ago

communication, disrespect, disrespectful, doing, ghosting, humor, irony, me, relationship, sarcasm
The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

3 months ago

Christmas, disrespect, disrespectful, expectation, finance, holiday, humor, me, money, right, sarcasm, shopping, spending

For even more funny disrespect quotes, hit next 👇

All funny disrespect quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Messenger this month:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

72 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

17 shares on YouTube this month:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

33 shares on Threads this month:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,689

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

If you think Dry January is hard, wait until you try Abstinence August.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Making waves on Twitch:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Making waves on Facebook:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Trending via Telegram:

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

Seen just now on X:

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

Just shared via WeChat:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Seen just now on Slack:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

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