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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has copied:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή has copied:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ό has viewed:

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has viewed:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡» has shared:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡­ has viewed:

Not sure if β€œlife hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,629

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on Slack:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Just shared via Twitch:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Trending via Pinterest:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Just landed via WeChat:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Making waves on Telegram:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

Trending via Discord:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

80 Funny funny situation quotes

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New Funny Quotes
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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

πŸŽ‰πŸ₯‚ New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Messenger this month:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

17 shares on Threads this month:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like β€œprofessional goals”.

10 shares on Slack this month:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

62 shares on Slack this month:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,956

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡΄ has copied:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgΓ€ngerbΓ€nger.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡§ has copied:

Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ώ has shared:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

Forget about β€œlong story short”… I’m gonna start saying β€œshort story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has downloaded:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has viewed:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡© has copied:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Just landed via YouTube:

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

Shared recently on Slack:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Just landed via X:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Breaking via Snapchat:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Going viral on TikTok:

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Seen just now on X:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

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