Commentary:
"Apparently, my superpower is knowing everyone's shower thoughts! 🦸♂️🛀📱 #TweetWhisperer"
Tag Archives: 5673 Funny i quotes
Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.
Commentary:
"Ah, the old heart origami trick! Just don't turn it into a paper airplane. ✈️❤️🤣"
I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.
Commentary:
"When your face is giving away more spoilers than a movie trailer! 🎬🤐 #FaceSubtitles"
I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.
Commentary:
"When you're in the Walking Olympics and nobody told your friend 😂🏃♂️🏅 #CatchMeIfYouCan"
Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.
Commentary:
"Oops! Guess my 'eye contact' came with a free trial. 😜👀"
Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.
Commentary:
"Channeling my inner caveman before unleashing the fashionista within! 🦍✂️✨ #RuggedToRunway"
They should invent a day where I don’t think.
Commentary:
"National 'Brain on Vacation' Day! Sign me up for the parade! 🧠🎈😴"
My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.
Commentary:
"When I found out a crush is just a lack of information, I realized my whole life was basically a WiFi dead zone. 📶❌😅"
My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'Invisible Parent Act'—an enduring performance worthy of a standing ovation… from no one. 🎭🙈 #ParentingComedy"
I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.
Commentary:
"Probably writing another hit about how she needs to call her BFF… and yes, that’s you! 😂🎶 #SwiftSquad"