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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Starting a new life today, bye.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,517

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Shared recently on WeChat:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Trending via Snapchat:

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

Just landed via Twitch:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Spotted on Discord:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Making waves on Instagram:

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

33 Funny ice cream quotes

More funny ice cream quotes 👇

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

2 months ago

cream, hearing, humor, ice, ice cream, imagination, imagine, music, night, sound, surprise, truck, unexpected
The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

2 months ago

cream, exercise, fitness, food, house, humor, ice, ice cream, past, personal, temptation, thing, trainer, truck
The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

2 months ago

30, best, dessert, eating, humor, ice cream, kids, lessons, parenting, tax, teach
When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

2 months ago

cake, chocolate, coping, coping mechanism, cream, dessert, eat, humor, ice, ice cream, mechanism, stress, sweet, wordplay
Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

2 months ago

breakfast, cream, debate, egg, food, food debate, humor, ice, ice cream, logic
The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

2 months ago

activity, chase, craving, cream, fitness, fun, fun activity, humor, ice, ice cream, running, truck
5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

2 months ago

5pm, call, Friday, humor, ice cream, joke, machine, McDonald’s, me, not working, weekend, working
Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

2 months ago

bowl, craving, cream, dessert, emptiness, empty, food, humor, ice, ice cream, licking, sadness, small, staring, too
I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

2 months ago

bad, bad news, broken, broken machine, cream, denial, denied, ever, humor, i, ice, ice cream, job, machine, McDonald’s, news, people, told, ugly, used, work
If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

2 months ago

activity, away, cream, escape, ever, fun, fun activity, humor, ice, ice cream, ice cream van, me, problems, running, treat, van

For even more funny ice cream quotes, hit next 👇

All funny ice cream quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Facebook this month:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

62 shares on X this month:

Windmill? Big fan.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

66 shares on Discord this month:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Just shared via X:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Just shared via Reddit:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

Just shared via YouTube:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Just shared via Reddit:

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization.

Going bananas on X:

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

Activity Log ✨

33 Funny ice cream quotes

More funny ice cream quotes 👇

All funny ice cream quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨