71 Funny identity quotes

More funny identity quotes

• 

  5 months ago

  View →: White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: If I were you, I would rather be me.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: My nickname in high school was “who?”
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

For even more funny identity quotes, check out the next page, if available

All funny identity quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes