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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

In university, you are either struggling academically, financially, emotionally, or all three.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

The only thing that could possibly put a smile on my face is a Sharpie.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,578

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

Just landed via Instagram:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

Spotted on Pinterest:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

Going viral on Threads:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Just shared via Facebook:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Spotted on Telegram:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on WeChat this month:

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

63 shares on Discord this month:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

41 shares on Threads this month:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

95 shares on X this month:

You’re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,578

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

Shared recently on Telegram:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

Live now on Instagram:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

Live now on Instagram:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Just shared via Slack:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Making waves on Threads:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Live now on TikTok:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

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