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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

819 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,981

Funny Quotes Topics

13,924

Funny Quotes Images

10,981

Updated

53 minutes ago

Users Online

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Reddit:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Just landed via Messenger:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Trending via Discord:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Trending via Threads:

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Live now on Facebook:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Going viral on Snapchat:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

Just shared via TikTok:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Just shared via WeChat:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

819 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,981

Funny Quotes Topics

13,924

Funny Quotes Images

10,981

Updated

53 minutes ago

Users Online

3,426

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

Trending via Instagram:

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Just shared via Reddit:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Trending via Facebook:

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

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