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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

Making waves on TikTok:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Trending via Telegram:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Going viral on YouTube:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Trending via YouTube:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Funny planets quotes

Funny planets quotes 🚀🌍 bring a cosmic twist to your day, blending space vibes with belly laughs! Whether you’re a starry-eyed stargazer or just love a good pun about our celestial neighbors 🌕✨, these witty lines will have you orbiting in joy. Ready to launch into some out-of-this-world humor? Buckle up and enjoy the stellar giggles ahead! 🌌😄

New funny planets quotes 👇

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

10 hours ago

40, daily, daily life, galaxy, hour, humor, irony, life, planet, planets, satire, universe, week, weeks, work, work week
Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

1 day ago

activity, advice, ask, doctor, eat, fun, fun activity, God, greek, Greek god, health, health advice, humor, imagination, oranges, planets, pretend, right
I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

2 days ago

care, even, existence, humor, i, irony, life, perspective, planet, planets, self-deprecation
I can feel your energy from two planets away.

3 days ago

away, connection, distance, energy, feel, humor, i, planets, vibe
There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

3 days ago

ago, alien, government, humor, joke, life, money, planet, planets
Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

1 week ago

astrology, blame, blaming, failures, growth, humor, learn, lightheartedness, personal, personal growth, planets, self-help, stop, yourself
Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

1 week ago

aliens, discover, extraterrestrial, fear, hope, humor, i, life, lunatics, planets
I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

1 week ago

comedy, Earth, existential, humor, i, me, need, planets, psychic, sad, tell
No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

2 weeks ago

astrology, cosmic, depressed, depression, excuse, health, humor, just, mental, mental health, mood, planet, planets, something, star, stars, sure, wrong

All funny planets quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

85 shares on Threads this month:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

52 shares on Slack this month:

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

94 shares on Messenger this month:

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Women don’t like me, so I’m going to spend all my money on a jacket.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,407

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Unless you’re dead wearing a sheet, you got no business ghosting people.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Trending via Discord:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

Going bananas on WeChat:

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

Making waves on YouTube:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

Spotted on Slack:

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

Just shared via X:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

Making waves on Facebook:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

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