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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1838 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,000

Funny Quotes Topics

14,798

Funny Quotes Images

12,000

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Trending via WeChat:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

Breaking via YouTube:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Making waves on X:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Spotted on Slack:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Spotted on TikTok:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Home » Funny Self Quotes » Page 3

108 Funny self quotes

More funny self quotes 👇

5 days ago
Share →: People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

Commentary:
Sounds like my social life is just a sitcom without a script! 🤷‍♂️🎭✨
5 days ago
Share →: One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Commentary:
When you realize you're both the tornado and the calm after it 🌪️😂
5 days ago
Share →: They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Commentary:
Instant six-pack abs by simply putting down the donut? Sign me up! 🍩➡️💪😂
6 days ago
Share →: I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Commentary:
When you argue with yourself and still lose the debate 🤔🤦‍♂️💭😂
2 weeks ago
Share →: Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?

Commentary:
Sounds like Grok's trying to get booked for a boy band reunion! 🎤🕺😂
2 weeks ago
Share →: Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Commentary:
Burp therapy: the only weight loss plan I can stick to! 😅🤷‍♂️🎈
2 weeks ago
Share →: When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Commentary:
Blame it on the invisible ninja, because my feet have the grace of a giraffe on roller skates! 🤦‍♂️🦒🎢
4 weeks ago
Share →: How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Commentary:
"LOL, self-love is the best love! 💁‍♀️❤️ #SelfPartnered #MeMyselfAndI"
4 weeks ago
Share →: I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Commentary:
"Who needs a budget planner when you can just wing it like a pro 😅💸 #FinancialAcrobat"
4 weeks ago
Share →: In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

Commentary:
"Meanwhile, in this universe, I'm just mastering the art of sarcasm! 😂🚀 #ParallelProblems"

For even more funny self quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny self quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m running out of people I like.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Making waves on X:

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

Just shared via Threads:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Spotted on Telegram:

Multitask? I can barely unitask.

Making waves on Discord:

Life hack: you don’t need salt if you just cry into your dinner.

Just landed via Twitch:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

108 Funny self quotes

More funny self quotes 👇

For even more funny self quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny self quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

Activity Log ✨

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