84 Funny thinking quotes

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  4 months ago

  View →: Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?
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  4 months ago

  View →: My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.
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  4 months ago

  View →: How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?
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  4 months ago

  View →: Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.
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  4 months ago

  View →: There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.
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  4 months ago

  View →: How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

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