Funny quotes thinking Page 2

67 Funny thinking quotes

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025