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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Spotted on Twitch:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Just landed via Slack:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Going viral on Slack:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Trending via Threads:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you think it's a tooth extraction but it's actually a fashion intervention! 😅🦷👖

awkwardness, dentist, embarrassment, hate, humiliating, humor, i, pants, taking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

0

3 months ago

3, asking, doing, employee, employees, happy, hiring, humor, i, interview, job, jobs, let, me, please, reference, references, same, start, talk, think, workplace
Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, crossing, dating, fingers, four, Four Horseman, fun, horseman, humor, irony, joke, single
Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

0

2 months ago

activity, after, ever, great, humor, jam, picking, relationship, sex, sitting, speed, traffic
Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

0

2 months ago

control, control freak, dark, dark humor, death, eulogy, freak, funny perspective, funny thought, humor, i, loved, ones, own, perspective, quirky, relatable, say, thinking, thought, thoughts, want, writing
I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

0

2 months ago

friends, humor, i, know, much, need, new, old, relationships, social, too, too much, trust
You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

0

2 months ago

able, absurdity, body, donate, ethics, humor, joke, science, should, somebody

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

58 shares on Messenger this month:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

95 shares on X this month:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

Photos are cool because they are like now but for later.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Live now on Twitch:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

Making waves on Telegram:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Just shared via TikTok:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Spotted on YouTube:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Seen just now on X:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Making waves on Twitch:

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨