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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

And then one day, life was like… hold my beer.

Shared recently on X:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Going bananas on X:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Trending via Messenger:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Trending via TikTok:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

Going bananas on WeChat:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

Just shared via Facebook:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

Going viral on WeChat:

My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about daily web browsing feeling like microdosing hell.

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Commentary:
Feeling edgy? Just browsing the web – it's like dipping your toes into the chaos pool! 🔥😂📱

addiction, checking, daily, daily routine, day, every, hell, humor, internet, microdosing, routine, sarcasm, web

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98 shares on Messenger this month:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

38 shares on Threads this month:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

93 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

I should’ve existed as a tree.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Things I hate about group work: The group.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Trending via Threads:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

Spotted on X:

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Making waves on Pinterest:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

Just shared via WeChat:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Spotted on Twitch:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

Seen just now on Slack:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

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Activity Log ✨

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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