Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

My life started becoming a mess when I was put in charge of my own bedtime.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Having a job ruined my life.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m running out of people I like.

Breaking via Slack:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Spotted on Twitch:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Just shared via Slack:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Just landed via Slack:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

More funny quotes 👇

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

0

5 months ago

austen, dating, ghosting, humor, jane, Jane Austen, left, left on read, man, me, media, men, mine, rain, read, relationship, social, social media, someone, story, us
Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

0

5 months ago

believe, cake, cartoons, harder, hole, lot, steal, table
Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

0

5 months ago

after, anxiety, asking, communication, hit, i, myself, overthinking, self-doubt, send, social, social anxiety, texting, too, weird, weirdness
I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

0

5 months ago

4, allowed, day, feel, heart, humor, i, late, late start, purity, start, start time, time
I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

0

5 months ago

exercise, fitness, focus, gym, humor, i, jail, prison, should, workout
I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

0

5 months ago

cleaning, closet, discovery, distraction, found, humor, i, looking, organise, procrastination, tidying, tidying up
The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

0

5 months ago

humor, just, me, midnight, money, night, night owl, online, online shopping, owl, real, shopping, shopping spree, spending, spree
Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

0

5 months ago

fabulous, forest, forest ghost, ghost, Halloween, hauntingly, hauntingly fabulous, humor, inner, lost, self-expression, spooky
Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

0

5 months ago

bite, dating, humor, insect, joke, match, me, mosquito, right, seems, swipe
Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

0

5 months ago

humor, laziness, management, nothingness, procrastination, schedule, squeeze, time, time management, today, trying

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

69 shares on Slack this month:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

96 shares on Messenger this month:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

47 shares on Slack this month:

Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Another fine day ruined by waking up.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Making waves on Pinterest:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Shared recently on Messenger:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Going viral on X:

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Shared recently on Discord:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨