Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

4,030

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

Breaking via Messenger:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Going viral on WeChat:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Making waves on YouTube:

Being a girl must be so easy. All you do is cry all day and text 10 different guys.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Breaking via Reddit:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Trending via Messenger:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

More funny quotes 👇

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

0

5 months ago

clothing, dental, dental floss, fashion, floss, hot, humor, i, joke, lingerie, put, red, wanted, wear
I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

0

5 months ago

flag, humor, material, quality, red, red flag, relationship, sarcasm
It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

0

5 months ago

arm, arm rest, awkward, awkward moment, both, funny moment, got, i, mine, moment, movie, movie theatre, movie watching, personal, personal space, rest, space, theatre, thought, watching, weird
Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

0

5 months ago

advice, care, day, day off, days, humor, job, jobs, self, self-care, take, work
I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

0

5 months ago

closer, dating, death, humor, love, relationship, sarcasm, stable
Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

0

5 months ago

blocking, breakup, enough, hairline, humor, i, media, need, observation, recede, revenge, social, social media, watch
I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

0

5 months ago

anxiety, detail, every, got, great, humor, i, insomnia, know, middle, night, overthinking, problem, problems, review, sleep, wake, worry
Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

0

5 months ago

darkness, humor, light, metaphor, moth, perspective, seek, simply
Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

0

5 months ago

comfort, humor, invitation, invite, me, nowhere, party, seating, sit
I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

0

5 months ago

atheist, belief, humor, prayer, prayers, religion, send, skepticism, thought, thoughts

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on X this month:

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Running from your problems is cardio.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

65 shares on Threads this month:

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

68 shares on Slack this month:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Just shared via YouTube:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Trending via Snapchat:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

Making waves on TikTok:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Spotted on YouTube:

Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨