Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,580

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

Making waves on Twitch:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Making waves on X:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Really love how dancing alone in your room can literally save your life.

Seen just now on TikTok:

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

Live now on Slack:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Spotted on Threads:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

I hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and I have to find something new to complain about.

Spotted on Telegram:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

More funny quotes 👇

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

0

5 days ago

attraction, fanfic, fun, humor, i, reading, real, romance, romantic, thinking, wish, wishful, wishful thinking
You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

0

5 days ago

amusement, bed, bed chamber, chamber, enter, flirtation, humor, jester, me, medieval
Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

0

5 days ago

again, Christmas, fat, getting, gift, guess, holiday, humor, joke, repetition, same, self-deprecation, thing
Took a break from social media because my cat was asleep on my phone.

0

5 days ago

asleep, break, cat, funny situation, media, phone, situation, sleep, social, social media
I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

0

5 days ago

animal, animals, human, humor, i, just, ones, sarcasm, smile
Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

0

5 days ago

clock, difference, gender, gender difference, humor, independence, man, men, money, relationship, woman, women
“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

0

5 days ago

beautiful, book, cover, humor, i, ignore, judge, judgment, powerful, sentiment, shopping
Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

0

5 days ago

companionship, fur, having, home, humor, imagine, pet, someone
The world started without permission again.

0

5 days ago

again, event, humor, permission, sarcasm, started, unexpected, unexpected event, world
The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

0

5 days ago

angry, Angry Bird, assault, bird, birds, bong, disgusting, game, humor, me, parody, video, video game

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

In banana years, I am bread.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

40 shares on Slack this month:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

84 shares on Discord this month:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

You ever liked a song so much you restart it before it even finishes?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Going bananas on Threads:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Going viral on Messenger:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Going viral on Slack:

The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Just landed via Discord:

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Making waves on Instagram:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨