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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

You look like the result of a failed CIA experiment.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Trending via Messenger:

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Making waves on Slack:

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

Shared recently on X:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Making waves on Telegram:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

Just landed via Instagram:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

3 weeks ago

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Throw in some marshmallows and we’ve got ourselves a five-star getaway! 🏕️🔥🍫

activity, cabin, getaway, hot, hot tub, leisure, log, log cabin, outdoor, outdoor activity, perfect, relaxation, right, sounds, tub, vacation, weekend

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14 shares on Reddit this month:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

77 shares on Threads this month:

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

32 shares on Slack this month:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

The only hot singles in my area are in my wallet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

A real smartphone would cut you off.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Don’t think of it as losing followers, think of it as frustrating bots to the point they go away.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I can resist everything except temptation.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Making waves on Slack:

I believe libraries are our proof that we once valued curiosity.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Going viral on Telegram:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Seen just now on Instagram:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Breaking via Facebook:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

So my wife goes, “It’s not you — it’s me.” Obviously written by ChatGPT.

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

So my wife goes, “It’s not you — it’s me.” Obviously written by ChatGPT.

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨