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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,290

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

Trending via TikTok:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Just landed via Messenger:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Trending via Discord:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Making waves on YouTube:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Random Funny Quotes

Random funny quotes to crack you up. 😎✌️

Random funny quotes 👇

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

0

2 months ago

effort, enough, hard, hate, honesty, humor, motivation, nobody, perspective, remember, self-improvement, trying
Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

0

5 months ago

bored, boredom, creativity, food, humor, imagine, invention, mayonnaise, person
I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

0

2 months ago

back, bring, bring back, catchphrase, holy, holy moly, humor, me, moly, nobody, nostalgia, stop
364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

0

6 days ago

Christmas, countdown, days, decoration, decorations, holiday, humor, impatience, people
You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you’re full of energy and you can’t wait to get to work? Me neither!

0

2 months ago

energy, full, humor, know, me, moment, morning, morning routine, motivation, procrastination, relatable, routine, wait, work
Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

0

5 months ago

camera, camera roll, chore, cleaning, clutter, digital, digital clutter, ever, procrastination, roll
Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

0

5 months ago

argument, closet, clothing, every, fight, humor, item, just, personification, started
Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

0

2 months ago

automatic, automatic door, delay, door, door delay, doors, dumb, embarrassment, enough, everyday, everyday life, fast, humor, impatience, life, me, open, social, social embarrassment
I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

0

2 months ago

confusion, humor, i, indecisive, irony, self-reflection, think, unsure, used
Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, chill, chill day, day, doing, doing nothing, eat, else, laziness, need, nothing, relaxation, rest, Saturday, sleep, sometimes, weekend

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

84 shares on YouTube this month:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

85 shares on X this month:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Going viral on Slack:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Just landed via WeChat:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Trending via Twitch:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Making waves on Slack:

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

Shared recently on X:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Seen just now on Threads:

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Activity Log ✨

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨