Funny quotes asleep

28 Funny asleep quotes

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

4 weeks ago

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

4 weeks ago

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

4 weeks ago

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

4 weeks ago

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

4 weeks ago

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

2 months ago

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

2 months ago

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

2 months ago

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

2 months ago

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

3 months ago

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

3 months ago

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

3 months ago

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

3 months ago

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

3 months ago

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

3 months ago

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

3 months ago

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

3 months ago

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

3 months ago

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

3 months ago

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

3 months ago

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

3 months ago

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

3 months ago

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

3 months ago

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

3 months ago

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

3 months ago

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

3 months ago

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

3 months ago

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

3 months ago