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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,623

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Just shared via Slack:

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

Live now on Slack:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Making waves on YouTube:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Trending via Telegram:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Just shared via X:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Going viral on WeChat:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Making waves on Instagram:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Going viral on Instagram:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Funny bladder quotes

Funny bladder quotes 💦 bring the perfect mix of humor and relief to those awkward bathroom moments 🚽😂 Whether you’re stuck in traffic or at a long meeting, these witty lines remind us all to laugh when nature calls! So, get ready to chuckle and never take your bladder too seriously again 😄🚀 #BathroomHumor #LaughItOut

New funny bladder quotes 👇

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

11 hours ago

always, big, big heart, bladder, bodily, bodily function, exaggeration, function, heart, humor, i, just, need, pee
You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

19 hours ago

35, advice, age, aging, bathroom, before, better, bladder, funny advice, health, humor, leave, over, pee, routine, while
Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

2 months ago

alarm, alarm clock, bladder, clock, humor, morning, morning routine, needs, routine, waking, waking up
The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

2 months ago

bladder, empty, half, half empty, humor, irony, optimist, perspective
I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

2 months ago

believe, bladder, bodily, bodily functions, disbelief, functions, funny observation, gall, humor, i, observation, surprise
If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

2 months ago

being, bladder, feel, frustration, great, health, humor, hydrated, hydration, irony, pissed, thing
You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

2 months ago

around, authority, bladder, boss, control, humor, independence, me
My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

3 months ago

bladder, comedy, fairytale, humor, pea, princess, storytelling
I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

3 months ago

big, bladder, cancel, humor, i, morning, plans, sleep, today, wake, wake up
I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

3 months ago

40, age, alarm, alarm clock, bladder, changes, clock, humor, i, life, life changes, need, over, over 40, sleep, waking, waking up

All funny bladder quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

37 shares on Threads this month:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Nobody in the entire world has ever known what to do with me.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

69 shares on Discord this month:

Netflix will help you finish spelling the name of the movie you’re looking for, and then tell you they don’t have it.

22 shares on X this month:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a massage for my brain.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,522

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Unpopular opinion: The moon is actually way more useful than the sun. Because the moon gives us light at night when it’s dark. The sun only gives us light during the day when it’s already bright.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

Just landed via TikTok:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Trending via X:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Stop using ChatGPT. I can feed you misinformation too and I’m also beautiful and funny sometimes.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

Going bananas on Facebook:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Making waves on Discord:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

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