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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I hate when teachers put “?” on my work, like I don’t know either.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,583

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Seen just now on Slack:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Seen just now on Threads:

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Just shared via Discord:

Wow, this is a really nice, sturdy box. I should keep it in the attic for the next 20 years.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Spotted on Telegram:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Just shared via Discord:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Live now on Discord:

Men are very good at being women lately.

27 Funny calm quotes

Funny calm quotes bring a hilarious twist to staying zen 😌😂 Whether you’re tackling stress or just need a laugh while chilling, these witty gems keep things light and breezy 🌬️✨ Perfect for those moments when you want to smile without losing your cool 😎💬 Get ready to laugh your way to calm with a sprinkle of humor and a dash of chill vibes! 🧘‍♂️🎉

New funny calm quotes 👇

For even more funny calm quotes, hit next 👇

All funny calm quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Messenger this month:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Men are very good at being women lately.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

50 shares on Facebook this month:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

95 shares on Slack this month:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

49 shares on Twitch this month:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,544

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I need money, not feelings.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

Trending via Twitch:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

Just shared via Facebook:

People thinking you’re dumb is one of the best advantages you can have.

Live now on TikTok:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Going viral on Twitch:

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

Shared recently on Messenger:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

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