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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,653

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

Spotted on Facebook:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

Broadcasted on Slack:

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

Shared recently on Discord:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Going viral on Threads:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

Home » Funny Calm Quotes

27 Funny calm quotes

Funny calm quotes bring a hilarious twist to staying zen 😌😂 Whether you’re tackling stress or just need a laugh while chilling, these witty gems keep things light and breezy 🌬️✨ Perfect for those moments when you want to smile without losing your cool 😎💬 Get ready to laugh your way to calm with a sprinkle of humor and a dash of chill vibes! 🧘‍♂️🎉

New funny calm quotes 👇

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

0

1 month ago

animal, animal humor, behavior, calm, dog, dogs, funny observation, human, humans, humor, jobs, observation, pet, pet behavior, relationship, stress
Being famous on social media is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s not real, so calm down.

0

2 months ago

being, calm, calm down, fame, famous, humor, media, Monopoly, real, reality, rich, social, social media
Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

0

2 months ago

advice, calm, coming, conversation, demon, humor, Lucifer, me, right, thing, yourself
Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

0

2 months ago

animals, calm, cow, farm, floor, food, humor, whole
You used to calm me on my cell phone!

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2 months ago

calm, calming, cell, cell phone, communication, humor, me, phone, relationship, technology, used
Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

0

2 months ago

calm, ever, humor, irony, mental, mental state, paradox, state, stress
“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

0

2 months ago

anxiety, bravery, calm, confidence, courage, done, everything, fear, humor, humor quote, i, motivation, relatable, scared, self-awareness, self-improvement, thanks, turn
Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

0

2 months ago

calm, evening, humor, joke, leisure, meditation, relaxation, relief, soothe, stress, stress relief
You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

0

2 months ago

act, around, beauty, beauty product, calm, confidence, cool, cosmetics, eyeliner, fear, humor, liquid, makeup, product, sense
Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

0

2 months ago

calm, losing, me, money, only, priorities, regret, rest, right, say, value

For even more funny calm quotes, hit next 👇

All funny calm quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Slack this month:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

13 shares on Instagram this month:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

58 shares on X this month:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The only reason I haven’t gone crazy yet is because I’m just too lazy.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,785

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Going viral on Slack:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

Making waves on Messenger:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Making waves on Twitch:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Spotted on Slack:

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

Trending via X:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

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