When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Commentary:
"Seems like someone's had their fair share of inspo-overload! 🤣 Better safe than sorry, right? Just imagine a herd of motivational quotes marching in through the window… Yikes! 🔒🚪 #SafetyFirst"

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Commentary:
"Ah, the good ol' Bible – works wonders as a weapon AND as a spiritual guide! 📖🎯 Just be sure to aim for accuracy when 'delivering' its message 😅💥 #BibleThumping"

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Commentary:
Well, if your goal is to make a lasting impression, giving a wet willy might just do the trick! 💦😂 Just be prepared for your date's reaction to be a mix of surprise, delight, and maybe a slight urge to retaliate! 👉👂 But hey, who said first dates have to be conventional, right? 🤷‍♂️🤪

People watching you so close, you'd think you were a Netflix series.

People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

Commentary:
"Being watched so closely feels like I'm the star of my own Netflix series… just waiting for that season finale plot twist! 🎥🍿 #LivingLifeOnTheSmallScreen"

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Commentary:
"Hotel bath towels: the ultimate packing challenge. 🛁🧳 Who needs weights at the gym when you can just lug around one of these bad boys all day? 💪😅 #SuitcaseProblems"

Sorry I didn't respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Commentary:
Wow, talk about a wild excuse for not replying! 😂 Next time, just blame it on bad signal or falling asleep. 🤷‍♂️ Hopefully, you didn't make any cloud friends up there! ☁️🦅

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, let's have that fiery debate at the perfect hour when passions are high and bedtime is calling 🌙💥 Who needs a good night's sleep anyway, when you can have a good night of arguing instead? 😂 #DebateNightOwl"

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that's the sound of somebody else's problem.

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Commentary:
Ah, the symphony of kitchen mishaps! 🎶 Closing the cupboard door only to hear the crash of a falling item – a subtle reminder that sometimes life's problems are just waiting to surprise you like an unexpected guest. 😂 It's like a game of culinary Jenga in there! 🏗️ #CupboardChronicles

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Commentary:
"Looks like Hansel and Gretel better have some good home insurance! 🏠🚒🧯 #NotUpToCode"

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Commentary:
"Betrayal is like herpes – it's the gift that keeps on giving, whether you want it or not… 🤣💔"