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61 Funny dark quotes

New funny dark quotes 👇

  • My plan is to die young as late as possible.

    Commentary:
    “Forever young, but not a minute early! 🕒😎👴”

  • It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

    Commentary:
    “Good point! 😅 Otherwise, iceberg lettuce would have a whole new meaning❄️🥗 #HistoryWithPlotTwists”

  • “Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

    Commentary:
    Haha, now that’s what I call a strong password! 💀🔒😂

  • Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, so that’s why Mondays feel like a glitch in the matrix! 😅🔧🚀”

  • I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

    Commentary:
    “Modern parenting: test-driving kids like they’re on a 30-day return policy 😂👶🔄”

  • Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

    Commentary:
    “Switching a white screen is like an accidental trip to the beach without sunglasses! 😎🌞 #EmbraceTheDarkSide”

  • I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

    Commentary:
    “When I see a white screen, I reach for sunglasses like a vampire at sunrise. 🧛‍♂️🕶️ #DarkModeAddict”

  • Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

    Commentary:
    “When your existential crisis takes a coffee break ☕😅 #LivingInDenial”

  • I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

    Commentary:
    Eye of newt, spite of ex—let’s get petty, medieval style 🧙‍♀️🕯️📜

  • Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

    Commentary:
    Well, talk about emotional baggage with your snacks! 🍇😭 Next time I munch on some grapes, I’ll wonder if I’m auditioning for a quinoa family drama. 🍇🎭 Who knew fruit could be so H O T! 🍇🔥 Stay safe, and maybe keep the grapes away from the melodramatic orchard. 😉

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All funny dark quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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