Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again. Posted on32 minutes ago
Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die. Posted on4 hours ago
If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end. Posted on20 hours ago
Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one. Posted on24 hours ago
Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie. Posted on24 hours ago
If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw. Posted on1 day ago
Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate. Posted on2 days ago
A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking. Posted on2 days ago
What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people? Posted on2 days ago
Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts. Posted on2 days ago
Unpopular opinion: The moon is actually way more useful than the sun. Because the moon gives us light at night when it’s dark. The sun only gives us light during the day when it’s already bright. Posted on2 days ago
You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too. Posted on3 days ago
Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!” Posted on3 days ago
Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state. Posted on3 days ago
If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner. Posted on3 days ago
Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving. Posted on4 days ago
Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later. Posted on5 days ago
The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing. Posted on6 days ago
I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am. Posted on6 days ago
Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital? Posted on7 days ago
*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning. Posted on1 week ago
Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet. Posted on1 week ago
Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again. Posted on1 week ago
New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter” Posted on1 week ago