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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,703

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Going bananas on Telegram:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Spotted on WeChat:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Spotted on Twitch:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Live now on X:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Going viral on Instagram:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

Breaking via Threads:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

Going bananas on Twitch:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

111 Funny dark quotes

Funny dark quotes 💀😂 are like a mischievous wink from the shadows, offering a laugh when you least expect it. Perfect for those who appreciate humor with a twist, these quotes dance on the edge of the eerie and the hilarious. If your sense of humor leans toward the delightfully macabre, you’re in the right place. Prepare for chuckles with a side of darkness—because everyone needs a little shadow to appreciate the light! 🌑✨

New funny dark quotes 👇

Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

2 hours ago

age, apocalypse, dark, dark age, downturn, economic, economic downturn, future, humor, recession, sarcasm, slang, worry
Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

3 hours ago

babe, communication, concern, dark, dark humor, day, humor, joke, okay, relationship
Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

4 hours ago

age, aging, dark, dark humor, dead, getting, humor, middle, middle age, mortality, oh, pessimism, sarcasm, where
It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

20 hours ago

America, being, challenge, dark, dark time, easy, humor, responsibility, someone, sweetheart, time, times
Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

6 days ago

alien, alien planet, bath, bath time, dark, humor, i, imagination, planet, pretend, rainforest, shower, sometimes, time
Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.

2 weeks ago

daily, daily life, dark, dark humor, fantasy, humor, life, lord, Lord of the Rings, modern, modern life, Mordor, rings
Long shower. Fresh sheets. Hair braided. Lights off. Candle glowing. Room smells incredible. Airplane crash videos on.

2 weeks ago

airplane, airplane crash video, braid, candle, crash, dark, dark humor, fresh, glowing, hair, hair braid, humor, incredible, irony, light, light off, lights, relaxation, room, room smell, sheet, sheets, shower, smell, smells, video, videos
(suicidal grindset guy) When I jump, it’s gonna be from the penthouse.

2 weeks ago

dark, dark humor, grindset, guy, humor, i, jump, motivational, motivational parody, parody, penthouse, suicidal
I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

2 weeks ago

dark, dark humor, devil, humor, i, joke, rejection, said, selling, selling soul, soul, tried
I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

3 weeks ago

actually, charming, dark, dark humor, guillotine, humor, i, let, me, sarcasm, wit

For even more funny dark quotes, hit next 👇

All funny dark quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

42 shares on Slack this month:

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Farting, but with eye contact.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,539

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

First World War. Kind of nervous.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Just shared via Instagram:

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Trending via TikTok:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

Just shared via Messenger:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Shared recently on Discord:

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

Going viral on Instagram:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

Just landed via Slack:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴