61 Funny dark humor quotes

• If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

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  2 months ago

  back, dark, dark humor, ever, humor, joke, life, life support, me, medical, medical humor, plug, resilience, sarcasm, support, unplug, works

• Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

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  2 months ago

  dark, dark humor, humor, joke, love, opportunity, pushing, relationships, sarcasm, stairs, teasing

• If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

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  2 months ago

  absolutely, am, anxiety, being, dark, dark humor, day, death, doom, existential, existential humor, health, humor, humor about death, i, last, live, means, mental, mental health, procrastination, sarcasm, self-deprecating, sense

• I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

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  2 months ago

  again, body, cremated, cremation, dark, dark humor, death, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, smoking-hot, want, witty

• When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

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  2 months ago

  apartment, dark, dark humor, death, dying, ghost, ghost story, haunt, haunted, haunted house, house, humor, i, me, myself, please, rush, spooky, story, supernatural, want

• Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

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  2 months ago

  awful, contrast, dark, dark humor, everything, Friday, going, happy, humor, i, irony, mean, mood, oops, pessimism, positivity, sarcasm, save, world

• I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

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  2 months ago

  creepy, dark, dark humor, desire, dreams, haunting, humor, i, menace, nightmares, obsession, playful, playful menace, run, through, want

• I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

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  2 months ago

  aging, aging process, am, avoiding, avoiding sunlight, being, costs, dark, dark humor, fine, humor, i, place, process, sarcasm, saying, self-deprecating, storage, sunlight, wine

• Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

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  2 months ago

  alcohol, dark, dark humor, drinking, hours, humor, last, me, mortal, sarcastic, supernatural, tell, vampire, vampire humor

• A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

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  2 months ago

  dark, dark humor, everything, fix, fix everything, forehead, forehead kiss, health, humor, illness, irreverent, kiss, lobotomy, mental, mental health, mental illness, therapy

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