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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,730

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Going viral on Threads:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Just landed via Messenger:

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Just landed via Instagram:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

Going bananas on WeChat:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

Just shared via Threads:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Going viral on Messenger:

My body looks like I have a great personality.

Breaking via Discord:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

129 Funny drinking quotes

More funny drinking quotes 👇

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

3 months ago

caffeine, coffee, drinking, faster, hot, humor, irony, lap, morning, spill, wake
Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

3 months ago

convenience, drinking, experience, feeling, fun, home, money, night, night out, nothing, pub, sure
Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

3 months ago

bartender, context, difference, drinking, humor, job, job difference, loose, loose stool, means, medical, nurse, profession, stool, things
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

3 months ago

beauty, beer, drinking, eye, holder, humor, perception, perspective
Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

3 months ago

behavior, being, drinking, drunk, every, funny behavior, humor, interaction, liking, media, online, online interaction, reading, social, social media, tweet
Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

3 months ago

drink, drinking, gross, humor, i, joke, know, lead, misunderstanding, oh, only, powder, protein
We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

3 months ago

AI, AI bot, alive, bot, bots, country, drinking, drinking water, dumbest, entertain, entertainment, high-speed, high-speed rail, humor, infrastructure, people, porn, rail, satire, steal, technology, theft, water, water theft
Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

3 months ago

AI, center, conservation, data, data center, drink, drinking, humor, much, need, only, please, resource, sure, technology, thirst, thirsty, too, water
Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

3 months ago

bored, boredom, conversation, daily, daily recommendation, drinking, girl, humor, hydration, joke, recommendation, start, water

For even more funny drinking quotes, hit next 👇

All funny drinking quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Slack this month:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

32 shares on Threads this month:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

24 shares on Threads this month:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

27 shares on Slack this month:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

87 shares on Messenger this month:

Just took off my daytime sweatpants and put on my nighttime sweatpants.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Just shared via Facebook:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Trending via Instagram:

Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

Activity Log ✨

129 Funny drinking quotes

More funny drinking quotes 👇

All funny drinking quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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