Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I am not in a good place, geographically.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Trending via Facebook:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Spotted on Slack:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Shared recently on Twitch:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

Trending via WeChat:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Going viral on Messenger:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Live now on Slack:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

35 Funny drug quotes

Funny drug quotes add a humorous twist to the often serious subject of substances! 💊😂 With witty remarks about medicine, prescriptions, or everyday caffeine habits, these quotes lighten the mood and offer a playful perspective. Enjoy the humor, and remember to take life’s “prescriptions” with a dose of laughter! 😄💉

New funny drug quotes 👇

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

5 hours ago

advice, always, before, die, drug, drugs, humor, life, life advice, never, physics, quantum, quantum physics, sex, try, try it all
Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

1 day ago

addiction, alcohol, celebrity, drug, drugs, give, humor, joke, keith, Keith Richards, life, longevity, richards, take
Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

6 days ago

drug, drugs, empty, empty gym, fitness, gym, humor, loss, weight, weight loss
As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

3 weeks ago

child, childhood, drug, drugs, expectation, free, free drug, humor, i, impression, much, reality, stranger, strangers, times
If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

1 month ago

Arabia, drug, drug law, getting, humor, joke, law, pot, risk, saudi, Saudi Arabia, smoke, stoned, wordplay
Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

1 month ago

addiction, cocaine, drug, gods, humor, money, much, telling, too, wealth
Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

2 months ago

adventure, choice, country, drug, drugs, foreign, foreign country, goal, guys, humor, kid, kids, life, life choice, main, marriage, married, travel, want, why
Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

2 months ago

accessory, anyone, clothing, clothing accessory, cocaine, drug, humor, jean, jeans, little, mystery, pocket
There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

2 months ago

athlete, athletes, competition, drug, drugs, hell, high, human, humans, humor, jump, Olympics, performance enhancing drug, performance-enhancing, satire, should, sports, take, want, where
I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

2 months ago

airport, airport security, drug, drugs, example, humor, i, joke, people, sarcasm, security, take

For even more funny drug quotes, hit next 👇

All funny drug quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on X this month:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

71 shares on X this month:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

96 shares on Threads this month:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

19 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Grok, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,313

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Just shared via Discord:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Going viral on TikTok:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Making waves on Telegram:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Just shared via Facebook:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Trending via Snapchat:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Spotted on Instagram:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

Seen just now on Slack:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

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