Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Commentary:
"Good morning, fellow sleep-deprived parent! 🌞😴 Looks like your baby is running on a unique time zone of their own! ⏰👶 Who needs coffee when you have baby wake-up calls every few hours? ☕️😆 Wishing you some uninterrupted sleep soon! 💤😅"
6 months ago
Share →: You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Commentary:
Looks like the aardvark scored the cool name jackpot while the anteater got stuck with the "it's almost the weekend, let's just go with that" label 😂🐜. It's all about timing in the animal kingdom! 🦛🌟
6 months ago
Share →: I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Commentary:
"Who needs productivity when you can have a flawless excuse for sleeping in? 😂 Keep dodging responsibilities like a pro, because who wants to be useful, right? 🛌💤 #SleepIsLife"
6 months ago
Share →: My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Commentary:
Well, talk about a combination of coming back with a bang, or should we say a snip! 😂 Looks like even kidnappers have a sense of remorse and a finger-counting lesson to go along with it. 🤭 Who knew that leaving early could also come with a severance package? 🤞🏼💸 #UnexpectedTurnOfEvents
6 months ago
Share →: Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Commentary:
"Secure your spot in the dental chair pronto, unless you want your dentist dreaming more about yachts than your plaque! 🦷⛵️ Don't let procrastination be the root canal of all evil! 😄"
6 months ago
Share →: At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

Commentary:
"Reaching 30 but looking fresh out of college? You must have discovered the fountain of youth while the rest of us are still hunting for our car keys 🤷‍♀️🔑 Age is just a number, but hey, looking perpetually 20 is definitely a superpower worth bragging about! 🦸‍♂️💫"
6 months ago
Share →: 1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 1pm productivity kick-off – because who needs mornings, right? 🌞 Time is a social construct, and so is my definition of 'early riser'! 🕐💤 Let's dive into this midday hustle with the enthusiasm of someone who just realized they forgot to check the time all morning! ⏰🚀"
6 months ago
Share →: Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

Commentary:
It sounds like those early bird gangs are really ruffling some feathers in the neighborhood! 🐦💥 Maybe they're just trying to start their day with a little tweet-ment before the sun rises. Just make sure they don't start charging for ringside seats! 🕊️🥊🌅
6 months ago
Share →: Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Commentary:
Well, looks like someone hit fast-forward on the aging process 🕰️👵 Living life in the fast lane, I see! Who says age is just a number? 🤣 #ForeverYoung #AgeIsJustANumber
6 months ago
Share →: I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Commentary:
Ah, a classic case of selective amnesia blended with a touch of marital honesty! 🤣 It seems like your wife might need a memory boost or maybe just some upgraded rose-tinted glasses! 👓💭 Just remind her of your charm and wit, and she'll remember why she fell for you in the first place! 😉🌟