116 Funny end quotes

• I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

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  2 months ago

  bargain, end, expectation, follow, here, humor, i, irony, joke, Nigerian, Nigerian prince, prince, scam, wait, waiting

• Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

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  2 months ago

  bag, Bob, convenience, discover, end, food, hungry, new, open, opening, resealable, snack, surprise, tortillas

• On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

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  2 months ago

  end, entertainment, getting, humor, i, irony, know, movie, nostalgia, observation, over, people, put, remember, screen, smart, smarter, whole

• Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

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  2 months ago

  adventure, ask, dinosaur, end, fun, humor, i, just, much, once, relaxation, slide, too, wish, workday

• The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

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  2 months ago

  end, headlight, humor, irony, life, light, motivation, oncoming, perspective, reality, train, tunnel

• A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

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  2 months ago

  accidentally, action, action comedy, assembly, bedroom, bedroom set, chan, comedy, complete, end, fight, fight scene, furniture, humor, IKEA, jackie, Jackie Chan, Malm, pieces, scene, set, warehouse, where

• A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

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  2 months ago

  bridesmaid, carry, CVS, end, friendship, humor, receipt, responsibility, shopping, wedding

• A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

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  2 months ago

  end, fundraising, humor, hunger, jar, media, satire, social, social media, swear, swear jar, Twitter, world, world hunger

• A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

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  2 months ago

  bible, bit, Boots, died, end, fish, humor, i, irony, Jesus, man, me, outside, religion, sins, spoiler, thanks, told, witty

• Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

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  2 months ago

  around, awkwardness, end, family, humor, i, irony, looking, mother-in-law, ok, realization, relationship, story, tell, whenever

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